I didn’t have to wear a nursing bra today

I didn't have to wear a nursing bra today. I realized this as I was rushing madly to get dressed, as I'm in the habit of doing so that my husband can deposit the baby in the bouncy chair in our bedroom and get out the door in time to catch his bus to work,... Continue Reading →


I needed help

My sister's good friend recently had twin boys. They were born at 34 weeks, at three and four pounds each. The bigger twin was allowed to go home after about ten days, but the little guy is still in the NICU until he gains more weight. This means my sister's friend - who had a... Continue Reading →

It shouldn’t happen but it does

I went out for a mom-friend's birthday last month. I love hanging out with other parents in the evening. Everyone is just so goddamn happy to be there. We've all gone to the effort to find someone trustworthy to watch our kids, put on clothes that don't look like puke-covered garbage bags, and extricated ourselves... Continue Reading →

It isn’t fair

My baby takes a massive dump as soon as my husband leaves the house to go to work. Every single day. My husband places our giggly, clean, morning-happy child in the bouncy chair in our bedroom so I can watch him while I go through my usual routine: put on leggings, discover leggings have vomit... Continue Reading →

I was not prepared for this

I thought I'd pissed the bed when my water broke, and let's just say it was a fair assumption at that point in my pregnancy. I was taking a nap, or the third trimester equivalent of a nap, which consists of rolling around in bed like a beached whale, gagging on whatever meal you last... Continue Reading →

This is how motherhood really feels

Motherhood feels like heavy boobs, a full bladder, and hemorrhoids. It feels like bras that are too tight, hair elastics that are too loose, and granny panties that are just right. It feels like leggings. Motherhood looks like blowing raspberries on your baby's cheeks as he shrieks with laughter. It looks like pretending to gnaw... Continue Reading →

You’ll never sleep again

One of the most annoying symptoms of pregnancy - on top of the insomnia, nausea, indigestion, hemorrhoids, and tendency to piss yourself - is the open season on unsolicited advice and horror stories. As soon as my gut popped, mothers young and old were practically frothing at the mouth to tell me about the assplosions... Continue Reading →

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